i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
