Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
