Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
