She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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