She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
