the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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