I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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