when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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