He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Alive.
So much puke
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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