When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
