youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
