when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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