I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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