I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
