he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Randomize
