Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
