We won't sleep together?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
