Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
