I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
