You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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