I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
