I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize