well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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