she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
