I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
