ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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