Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
