he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it's great music for shaving your balls
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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