If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
