My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
