after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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