i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
