I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
