when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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