On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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