I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
