Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my sisters under your porch take her home
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
