I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
