i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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