Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
