I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
