You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
