I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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