This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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