I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
