She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
