dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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