She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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