she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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