It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize