Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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