They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
