You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
