What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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