Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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