I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
