Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
