So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
