whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
