There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
