my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
