I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
