Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
