My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
