I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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