I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
